Have you ever fed your lover with just your hands?
Close your eyes and trust it, just trust it
Have you ever thrown a fistful of glitter in the air?
Have you ever looked fear in the face and said I just don't care?
It's only half past the point of no return
The tip of the iceberg, the sun before the burn
The thunder before the lightning, the breath before the phase
Have you ever felt this way?
Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone?
Your whole life waiting on a ring to prove you're not alone
Have you ever been touched so gently you had to cry?
Have you ever invited a stranger to come inside?
It's only half past the point of oblivion
The hourglass on the table, the walk before the run
The breath before the kiss and the fear before the flames,
Have you ever felt this way?
There you are, sitting in the garden
Clutching my coffee, calling me sugar
You called me sugar
Have you ever wished for an endless night?
Lassoed the moon and the stars and pulled that rope tight
Have you ever held your breath and asked yourself
Will it ever get better than tonight?
-27
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Friday, January 14, 2011
meladick.
so this is my bestfriend and i. her name is melanie and I FREAKING MISS HER. no, she hasn't gone anywhere yet, but i haven't seen her in ages. :( SO I HAVE TO SEE YOU SOON OKAY OR I JUST MIGHT DIE..... okay maybe i won't die, but i'll be very sad. :(
LOVE YOU MY BFFFFFFFYEAYEAYEAYEAYEAYEAYEAYEAYEA POREBER AND EBER. <3
-27
out with the old
do you know what it’s like, knowing a person, like really knowing a person, getting so close to the point where you know and believe that they’ll be around 20, maybe 30 years from now.. only to realize in the end that they don’t feel the same way about you? no? well I do.
crazy isn’t it? how fast people can change. one day, you could be hanging out with someone, talking about anything and everything with them and even sharing stories you would have never shared with anyone else in the world, and the next day? that same person can’t even bear to look at you. was it you? was it them? well how are you supposed to know when they turned off the switch faster than you can even say change.
it’s sad really. all the conversations you had, the stories you told each other, the jokes you both laughed at, the tears you cried on their shoulder, the secrets you kept, the memories you made.. all a thing of the past now. and the worst part? they don’t care anymore, but you still do. you try to salvage whatever remains of the friendship, do everything in your power to remind them that you’re still there - ready to hold their hand when it needs holding, to lend a helping hand when they have the weight of the world on their shoulders, but they just don’t get it; they just plain, flat out, don’t care. after all the things you’ve been through together.. the mountains you climbed together, the oceans you swam across together, the tunnels you dug together.. yea, you dug them alright, only to come out the other side all alone and wondering what the hell happened along the way.
to me, what hurts the most is when you think and reminisce about the things that you did go through together. you smile when you remember the good times, you sigh when you remember the bad times and you cry when you remember that they aren’t in your life anymore, not in the same way they were back then anyway. and while you smile, sigh and cry over what happened in the past, they’re going on with their life in the present, not even looking back.
eventually, you start to hate on them. you accentuate on their every flaw, recall all the bad phases in your relationship, remind yourself how horrible they are for leaving you in the dark like this and yet.. you still find yourself stalking their facebook profiles, following their every word on twitter and just missing them all over again.
and on the days that you do happen meet up with them, you know that it’s never going to be the same anymore. the bond you once had loosened so much so that it’s actually become awkward to be in the same room with them, and you’re hitting yourself on your head, wondering all over again how this happened in the first place.
but you know, i've been through so many situations like this that i've come to realize that it's just not worth it. it's not worth your time, not worth your energy and it's certainly not worth your tears. if they don't want to relight the flames that they themselves blew off for God knows what reason, then it's their problem; their loss. you have 50000000000 other friends out there in the world, so why bother with this one person that doesn't even care about the depression they put you through? it was their choice to change, their choice to chuck you out. who are you to try to adapt to their change just so you can relive the past that you had together, when they already made it clear that you are in fact, just a part of the past? YOU tried to be the bigger person. YOU tried to put whatever differences you had behind and pick up where you left off. but did they reciprocate? no. cause they just didn't care, they just didn't freaking care.
so if you ever find yourself in a shituation like this? remember this : FUCK DAAA SHIT. they're just not worth it.
-27
crazy isn’t it? how fast people can change. one day, you could be hanging out with someone, talking about anything and everything with them and even sharing stories you would have never shared with anyone else in the world, and the next day? that same person can’t even bear to look at you. was it you? was it them? well how are you supposed to know when they turned off the switch faster than you can even say change.
it’s sad really. all the conversations you had, the stories you told each other, the jokes you both laughed at, the tears you cried on their shoulder, the secrets you kept, the memories you made.. all a thing of the past now. and the worst part? they don’t care anymore, but you still do. you try to salvage whatever remains of the friendship, do everything in your power to remind them that you’re still there - ready to hold their hand when it needs holding, to lend a helping hand when they have the weight of the world on their shoulders, but they just don’t get it; they just plain, flat out, don’t care. after all the things you’ve been through together.. the mountains you climbed together, the oceans you swam across together, the tunnels you dug together.. yea, you dug them alright, only to come out the other side all alone and wondering what the hell happened along the way.
to me, what hurts the most is when you think and reminisce about the things that you did go through together. you smile when you remember the good times, you sigh when you remember the bad times and you cry when you remember that they aren’t in your life anymore, not in the same way they were back then anyway. and while you smile, sigh and cry over what happened in the past, they’re going on with their life in the present, not even looking back.
eventually, you start to hate on them. you accentuate on their every flaw, recall all the bad phases in your relationship, remind yourself how horrible they are for leaving you in the dark like this and yet.. you still find yourself stalking their facebook profiles, following their every word on twitter and just missing them all over again.
and on the days that you do happen meet up with them, you know that it’s never going to be the same anymore. the bond you once had loosened so much so that it’s actually become awkward to be in the same room with them, and you’re hitting yourself on your head, wondering all over again how this happened in the first place.
but you know, i've been through so many situations like this that i've come to realize that it's just not worth it. it's not worth your time, not worth your energy and it's certainly not worth your tears. if they don't want to relight the flames that they themselves blew off for God knows what reason, then it's their problem; their loss. you have 50000000000 other friends out there in the world, so why bother with this one person that doesn't even care about the depression they put you through? it was their choice to change, their choice to chuck you out. who are you to try to adapt to their change just so you can relive the past that you had together, when they already made it clear that you are in fact, just a part of the past? YOU tried to be the bigger person. YOU tried to put whatever differences you had behind and pick up where you left off. but did they reciprocate? no. cause they just didn't care, they just didn't freaking care.
so if you ever find yourself in a shituation like this? remember this : FUCK DAAA SHIT. they're just not worth it.
-27
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
one year later..
EXTREMELY LONG POST AHEAD.
you have been warned.
you have been warned.
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today marks the 1 years anniversary of my very last post here on blogger. 1 year, 1 whole freaking year has gone by! and my God, the heck of a year it's been..
i was reading through all my old posts last night, flinching at the amount of immaturity and LAME i put into each one of them, but one post definitely stood out and got me thinking and actually evaluating the year i had.. and that was my 2nd last post, January 6th 2010.
i rambled on and on, saying how 2010 was going to pwn all previous years and bring some badass changes to my life.. verdict? things changed all right, SO MANY things changed last year! and whether it was for the better, i'm still trynna figure that one out.. but OHMYGOD did things change. see, i just cant stress that fact enough! 2010 turning my world upside down, spun it 360 degrees faster, flipped in right side up and went on turning right side round again, leaving me to deal with the turmoil that took place halfway.
the most major change that took place last year was ofcourse, the passing of my grandfather. he was diagnosed with stage 4 liver cancer in January last year and what with his age and all, there was nothing we could do but wait. in the months leading up to his death, grands just got thinner and weaker, until it suddenly came to a point where he got so tired just by walking from the room to the living room. days turned into weeks and finally, he got admitted to JPMC on the 27th of October, 2010.. that was the last time any of us saw him conscious.
he passed at around 3 am on the 2nd of November, and his funeral took place on the 3rd of November. grands's death may have been a huge loss to the whole Wards clan, but in a way, it actually brought our whole family closer together. the whole clan was over at my house everynight for a whole week, having prayers and just being together for nane in this crucial time. two months have passed, and we're all doing much better now. we may not talk about him much, or bring him up at all for that matter, but we all still miss him and think about him.. well i know i do, and i know he know's that i do.
*****
2010 was also my very last year of being a St. Georgian, and i had the privilege of being assistant head girl, too. my school life last year was pretty amazing, i must say. my classmates and i bonded so much in our final year together and we made so many memories within the four walls of our class that will never ever forget. one pretty sad part of that school year however, was the departure of one of my very good friends, my favourite little indian boy - Farman. yup, that bastard left us to "further his studies" orwhatever in India, and that in itself cause a major change in the class. Farman was like.. THE joker, THE class clown, THE person that EVERYONE would laugh at! the boy that not only made things happen in the class, but in the whole school too. (he was Head boy) nobody wanted him to go.. but alas, he just haaaaaad to leave us
O levels came and went too, and after stressing over it for 8 months, we were just so relieved and ecstatic to get it over and done with. as of now though, i DO NOT want to think about how i did, so i'm just gonna hope for the best and pray to God that i did well enough to make-ma-mama-proud.
leaving St Georges.. actually wasn't a very big deal. well i thought it would be though, and i spent days just zoning out in school, thinking of life after it and sometimes, SOMETIMES.. i'd even cry. over right? it was sad though, especially during our last gathering at the parish hall (which btw was rudely cut short by the three doucefags for the o level briefing. motherfuckers, i hate them and i'm so glad i don't have to see their stupid faces ever again.. except when i visit sgs) where we all ate and sang and cried and thanked our teachers.. yea that was sad. but our last exam however - Bio paper 1 - it was ended with more excitement and relief rather than sorrow. i on the other hand, was all "omg, last exam ever" and "omg this will be the last time i'm in this class" and like "omg never gonna be in a class with these people again" and yadayadayada. when our papers were taken though, i was all "FUCK DAAA SHIT, HALLELUJAHHHHHHH". haha.
but yea.. i actually really miss SGS, especially now that i'm on a long-ass holiday and have absolutely nothing to do at home. at all. except bake, i like to bake now. baked my first cake today actually. TEEHEE. i miss the thrill of entering a new year at a new level in a new class with new teachers and the possibility of new students. yea, i like all those new thangs.. which is kinda getting me really like superduperuberholycrapEHEHEHEHEHICAN'TWAITZOMGEEEEEEEEK excited for college! but yea, i need to get the results i need to get in first though, but i'm already excited! ofcourse, things are gonna change like, big time. even bigger changes than last year! what with a whole new environment to work with, a whole new set of people i'll have to interact with.. it's just gonna be way different than high school life. the workload's gonna be crazy, the hours are going to be stressing.. AND I'M JUST SO EXCITED! eheh heh heh heh. but that's still about 2 months away so for now, i'm just gonna keep on bumming, keep on exciting myself and just.. wait i guess?
****
and you didn't think i'd forget about my lover boy did you? well Danial and i.. and are still Danial and i. we went through many the rough patches in 2010 but we always manage to pull through in the end and now? after 1 year, 8 months and 1 week, we're still going on stronger than ever and i have no idea how i'd have made it through last year without him by my side every step of the way. i love you Danial, and even after 20 months, i'm still falling in love you every single day cause like i said - i be loving you long time. <3>
i know i said there were like a shitloada changes that went on in 2010, but.. it's late, i'm too lazy to think and i just want to get this over and done with so i watch more nigahiga videos.
****
OH YEA SEAN GOT MARRIED TO TING IN JUNE AND IT WAS AWESOME. and now? ....SHE'S PREGGERS AND EXPECTING A BABY WARD IN JULY AND WE'RE ALL JUST SO EXCITED, ESPECIALLY ME CAUSE I'M GONNA BE AN AUNT HEHEHE YIPEEEEEEEEEEE.
****
so here's to 2011 and the changes it will bring. and oh, no promises to when i'll post again cause like last time.. it took me a whole year. haha. but hey, new year, new changes.. so i just might blog more often now.. just might. ;D
-27
Monday, January 11, 2010
kekasihku. <3
Danial Danial Danial.. my Mr. Kantut; my burp-er; my Monster; my Rainbow; my sexyboyy; my Mr Handsome; my rockstar; my shnickupshnickup shmore; my love and yes, my boyfriend.
we've been through so much during these past 8 months.. ups and downs, highs and lows, tears and laughters.. so, so much. but no matter how bad it got between us -and it got real bad sometimes, we'd always manage to get over whatever caused us to be that way in the first place. whether it'd be blasts from the past, jealousy issues, sensitivity issues.. ANYTHING! no matter how upset we'd be, we would never let it get to us and we'd make it top priority to fix things. :)
the thing i love most about him is that no matter how (unconciously!) hurtful i am to him or how oblivious i am to his feelings at times, he'd.. well he'd get upset, BUT still manage to put it behind him and still come up with the sweetest, most amazing things anyone has ever said to me.
it's so wonderful to me, how the love just never stops growing. one would think that being together for 8 months already and for the first time, the love would start dieing and we'd have been over in no time.. but no! if anything, i keep falling inlove with him over and over again, even more each time, at that. the more i see him and spend time with him, the more i feel like i never ever want to leave him, not even for a second. and when we're apart, it feels as though there's a massive hole in my heart and the only way to fill it is to be with him, even just for a minute.
his eyes, his hair, his arms, his smell, his lips, his heart.. everything about him just makes me melt inside. when he looks at me, i feel as though the weight of the world was being lifted off of my shoulders, and nothing else matters cause we'd be the only two people around in my eyes. when i'm in his arms, i feel so safe and comfortable and i'm pretty certain no harm or evil could even lay a finger on me. when he kisses me, i feel my knees buckle over and i never want to get out of lip-lock. ;) and when he tells me he loves me.. it's like i'm on Cloud 9, surround by dozens of rainbows and unicorns flying all around -so happy; so peaceful.. and i'm always wondering what on earth i did to do deserve such a blessing in my life.
Sayang, i know i'm not the best girlfriend there is, but i'm always trying. i've hurt you one, too many times, and an amazing person like you just doesn't deserve to be treated like that. it'll take time sayang, but i promise you i'll be better; we'll be better. and even if we still have our misunderstandings, at the end of the day, we know it's going to be okay. and we'll always be okay no matter what sayang! i'll make sure of that. :)
i love you sooooo soooo much Danial Idris; more than chocolates, more than books, more than candles, more than music.. more than life! and i thank you for loving me Sayang. <3
i know, it's not often i get all mushy like this. but when the manja kicks in, i'm all for the mushyness! ;)
until next time! :D
we've been through so much during these past 8 months.. ups and downs, highs and lows, tears and laughters.. so, so much. but no matter how bad it got between us -and it got real bad sometimes, we'd always manage to get over whatever caused us to be that way in the first place. whether it'd be blasts from the past, jealousy issues, sensitivity issues.. ANYTHING! no matter how upset we'd be, we would never let it get to us and we'd make it top priority to fix things. :)
the thing i love most about him is that no matter how (unconciously!) hurtful i am to him or how oblivious i am to his feelings at times, he'd.. well he'd get upset, BUT still manage to put it behind him and still come up with the sweetest, most amazing things anyone has ever said to me.
it's so wonderful to me, how the love just never stops growing. one would think that being together for 8 months already and for the first time, the love would start dieing and we'd have been over in no time.. but no! if anything, i keep falling inlove with him over and over again, even more each time, at that. the more i see him and spend time with him, the more i feel like i never ever want to leave him, not even for a second. and when we're apart, it feels as though there's a massive hole in my heart and the only way to fill it is to be with him, even just for a minute.
his eyes, his hair, his arms, his smell, his lips, his heart.. everything about him just makes me melt inside. when he looks at me, i feel as though the weight of the world was being lifted off of my shoulders, and nothing else matters cause we'd be the only two people around in my eyes. when i'm in his arms, i feel so safe and comfortable and i'm pretty certain no harm or evil could even lay a finger on me. when he kisses me, i feel my knees buckle over and i never want to get out of lip-lock. ;) and when he tells me he loves me.. it's like i'm on Cloud 9, surround by dozens of rainbows and unicorns flying all around -so happy; so peaceful.. and i'm always wondering what on earth i did to do deserve such a blessing in my life.
Sayang, i know i'm not the best girlfriend there is, but i'm always trying. i've hurt you one, too many times, and an amazing person like you just doesn't deserve to be treated like that. it'll take time sayang, but i promise you i'll be better; we'll be better. and even if we still have our misunderstandings, at the end of the day, we know it's going to be okay. and we'll always be okay no matter what sayang! i'll make sure of that. :)
i love you sooooo soooo much Danial Idris; more than chocolates, more than books, more than candles, more than music.. more than life! and i thank you for loving me Sayang. <3
***
i know, it's not often i get all mushy like this. but when the manja kicks in, i'm all for the mushyness! ;)
***
until next time! :D
i love you i love you i love you boyfriend!
-27.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
HI.
WELL HELLOOOOOOOO THERE BLOGWORLD! :D
yes yes, i know. it's been a while. a longgggggggggggggg while! about 3 months to be exact.. and please, don't ask why the abrupt hiatus for. i have my reasons. ;) but the important thing is that IM BACK! back to entertain you readers when you have nowhere else to turn to when the internet has nothing better to offer you. you people must be so thrilled..
okay no, not really. but i'm happy i'm writing again though. :)
***
yupyup, it's 2010 already! and i have a feeling it's gonna be an epic year. like, way epic. wayyyyy epic. SUPER EP.. yea, you get the point. why you ask? well.. for many reasons. like..
1) SENIOR YEAR! i know, it's hard to believe huhh..
2) MY 16TH BIRTHDAY. heeheeheeheehee remember to put it down on your calendars people! or else i'll do it for you - and i'm serious. just ask Sal, Ray and Gel. :p
3) start of practicals! and from what i heard, it's pretty fun.
4) Brother's wedding in June! can. not. wait.
5) (possible) trip to Phils after the wedding! OHYEA.
6) Sayang's 18th birthday on the 10th of the 10th, 2010!
..and definitely more to come. ;)
oh yes indeedy, this is THE year. the year that'll beat out all the past years because.. well, because i said so. ;D hey, to make things happen, you have to BELIEVE it'll happen. ;D
***
so it's my 3rd day of being a senior, and i still can't believe it. when i look around my class, i don't see any 'seniors' around. i still see the immature little brats we are, using every single chance we get when the teachers are not around to wreck havoc in class - the exact same things we've been doing ever since kindy 2. one would think that being called seniors would automatically put the whole time-to-get-serious-and-stop-messing-around attitude in our mindset, but nope. nada. and i know, it's still the beginning of the year and alot of things can happen from now until the end of the year - changes included - but until i see even the slightest hint of change, i refuse to think of us Form 5-ers as seniors. we're just any other ordinary SGS-ers, except in Form 5 and probably the wisest and most knowledgeable among the lot. :)
***
because it's a new year, i have decided to not ramble on too much when i blog cause i know how boring it is to read megalong posts so i shall stop here. :) no promises though, as to how often i'll blog this time round, what with the lack of internet and all.. but i'll try to update as much as i can kaaaay. :D i'm off to.. go eat chocolate now so until next time!
and uh, Happy Belated New Year everyone! :D
and also, a Happy belated 8th Monthsary to my Mr Manjaaa! i loveeeeeeee you so much sayangggkuu! :)
-27.
Friday, September 11, 2009
911.
if today had an ass, i'd shove my foot right up it and hit it where it hurts the most.
- eff Hadi for being the reason why i turned ugly (but we're still cool)
- eff the Gadong markets for having perverted and rude fish mongers.
- eff PMS for giving us cramps that make us want to pull out our guts and stomp all over it.
- eff the damn lingum aircon people who STOLE MY FRIKKING IPOD! (eff them so mother effing hard!)
..but most of all, eff me for upsetting you. i should have gone.. :/
***
as you can tell, i had a pretty awful day today. no, not pretty.. a DAMNNNN awful day today. 911 indeed..
***
apologies for the lack of blogging.. i just really haven't been bothered.
KK on Monday.. half superdupercrazy excited, and half dreading it cause well.. i've been having such a wonderful time with the boyfriend that it's gonna hurt so much to leave him, even if its only 5 days. what can i say? i'm sorta kinda super inlove.
well.. let's hope tonight'll be better.
I love my Monsterrrrr, and i'm sorry. :(
-27
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